Evoked Emotion

I woke up to a beautiful, sunny morning view outside my window. What wasn’t there to enjoy? Today would be the day I start school at my new middle school and I couldn’t wait. Full of optimism, I got into the car with my mom, and we were off. What I didn’t realize at the time was that this was actually the third day of school, as I had transferred late, so I had no real schedule planned, but I was sure I’d figure something out. We arrived at my new school, I gave my mother a kiss goodbye, and I was off into the unknown, clueless to what I was about to experience.

Taking my first step through that gate, it hit me: I knew nobody. I heard chattering from the friend groups that had already been formed years ago, noise swirling around my head. I thought to myself that I would make friends in my classes and build off of that. Fortunately, there were people from my elementary school I was able spend some time with that day, but I didn’t want to pester them, so I chose not to linger and went my own way. Walking around the campus that day I looked around just exploring the campus, but I remember eating my lunch really quickly so that nobody could see that I was eating alone. The longer I walked around, the more I saw kids being able to interact with one another and that was something I realized I lacked. I walked towards the basketball courts hoping to get in a game, but an overwhelming sense of nerves overcame me, and I was unable to muster up the words to ask, so I stood at the sideline watching.

Later in class, I chose the seat furthest from everyone else. I looked across class to see the popular kids talking with everyone in class and I felt alone, felt inferior, felt so much smaller compared with everyone else. Going home that day, my mood had changed. I gazed out the backseat window and was silent for the car ride. Getting home that day, my mindset had shifted. All these kids had something I wanted, and I wanted something they had. The popular kids with their multiple friend groups, as I sat alone at the tables with none. Frustrated with myself, I hoped to attain what was most important in transferring to a new school, something I lacked, and something I wish would never be a problem again: Friendship.